Believe?

I wrote the first half of this post a month ago...

I have heard for quite some time about the underground phenomenon that is the HBO series "The Wire." We didn't have HBO in Baltimore, so I never watched it but it came to have a cult following with a lot of the TFAers I know. So after some time away from Baltimore and out of the classroom, I think I can now check out the hype. My roommate Netflixed season 4, the one about the school system and we started watching it last week. Man did I get more than I bargained for.

Although I didn't teach in the worst part of town (the mayor lived about a mile and a half from our school) with horrible gang violence (although I did have a kid bring a gun into my classroom during my second year) like where the Wire kids live, within the first 5 minutes of season 4, I was hooked to the kids. Michael, Dukie and Namond (middle school boys) all struck such a chord with me. There is a scene within the first few episodes where a girl gets cut really badly with a box cutter in their classroom.

I flashed back to the earrings-off-hold-my-purse-I'm-going-to-kill-a-***** fights at Glenmount. That first year especially was full of more violence than I had ever seen, on TV or in real life. It was also full of more growth, learning and achievement than I ever expected in the precarious balance. I couldn't help wondering how my kids are doing...I've stayed in touch with a few and get updates from some of the teachers at the 'mount, but a large part of me wants to return to the day-to-day with them (or their younger counterparts, since they're all in or about to be in HS now).

I wonder what this year would have been like had I stayed in Baltimore. I wonder how my attitude would have changed, or not. I wonder...I must believe that my kids, and all the kids of Baltimore, will succeed and that maybe in some minuscule way I had a part in it. I don't, realistically, dream of Ph.D.'s or huge salaries for a lot of my kids. What I hope they have and believe they deserve are long, fulfilling lives. I really need to believe, especially when I watch the Wire, that Baltimore has not damaged them beyond the point of repair.

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Flash forward to 4/8/08 - I found out early last week that one of my kids (yes, they will always be mine) had been killed in a car accident. Hi name is Mohsin. Mohsin was probably the brightest, most driven student I taught. He excelled academically but also in every other aspect of school and life. And it wasn't like Mohsin kept his nose crammed in a book. He was friends with Aaron, one of the "high-flyers" or disruptive kids...they played football together at recess and on weekends. A few of the other Glenmount teachers and I went to Mohsin's viewing (it was a Muslim affair, and very different than anything I've ever been to, especially in the South), and although it was difficult, I'm glad we did.

I feel like from the day I left Glenmount, I began mentally preparing myself for that dreaded call. And I guess I always expected that I would hear a different name...the name of a kid who had been traveling down a bad path and, well... Not Mohsin. With some distance and reflection, I think I am ready to take this lesson and continue forward. Life is short (and so we've been told over and over) and the end could be right around the corner (again, not the most revolutionary thought), but it is also sweet and moving. I want to live a bright life...a thankful life...a purposeful life. With my experiences over the past 24+ years as well as my two with crazy 7th graders in Baltimore, I now feel that I am on the path to do just that. Thank you Mohsin. Thank you Glenmount. Thank you Baltimore.